Silly poem

For some reason I had a yen to write some nonsense poetry today, no idea why. Beats working, I guess.
Anyway, here it is. Nothing political, nothing pretentious and no attempt at profundity, this is just pure, unadulterated silliness.

The Road to Tiralee

With a skip and a jump,
A hop and a trump (“scuse me!”),
Auld Harold took the road to Tiralee.

The crowds cheered goodbye,
With many a tear-moistened eye,
When Harold left on the road to Tiralee.

To those he passed he’d holler and shout,
Though that may just have been because of the gout,
On that road to Tiralee.

Through rain and through shine,
And the application of wine (“hic”),
Harold strolled along the road to Tiralee.

Eating his lunch in the breeze,
With the odd bit of cheese (“urp. Pardon!”)
Harold went further down the road to Tiralee.

Leaving smiles as he passed,
And the odd patch of gas,
He carried on down the road to Tiralee.

“Hiya Harry,” his cousin unexpectedly cried,
“Nice to see you,” auld Harold unconvincingly lied.
On the road to Tiralee.

And then he bid his cousin farewell,
Chucking him down a nearby well (“my hand slipped”)
By the side of the road to Tiralee.

With a shrug and with a sigh,
Auld Harold waved his sad goodbye (“well, he was family”),
And went on down the road to Tiralee.

But now suspected in a murder case,
The rozzers took to giving chase (“Stop in the name of the law!”),
As he ran along the road to Tiralee.

The stories say that he ran to the last,
But the fleet-footed coppers were just too fast,
Racing along the road to Tiralee.

With a final, defiant shake of his fists,
Auld Harold dove headfirst off the cliffs (“you’ll never take me alive!”)
By the side of the road to Tiralee.

Some say he survived diving into the waves
And works in a chip shop where he lives out his days,
Far from the road to Tiralee.

But most think he drowned,
Though no body was found,
Below that treacherous road to Tiralee.

In hushed whispers they talk,
‘Bout how his ghost still walks (“Wooooooo”),
Along the road to Tiralee.

Many have vanished, leaving no trace,
Aside from their hats and the occasional case
Lying upon the road to Tiralee.

So if you find you’ve developed a yearning,
Be sure to heed this heartfelt warning,
And stay well away from the road to Tiralee.

Cos auld Harold’s still out there,
Stopping anyone who dares
To try and take the road to Tiralee.

Yay or nay - Limerick

This is a daft little limerick I came up with after reading the massive (and faintly ridiculous) arguments on Guild Wars 2 Guru about the new GW2 engineer class (yeah, yeah, nerdy stuff, I know).
Personally, I think it looks awesome, so there!

Yay and Nay

The naysayers always say “nay”,
And the yaysayers always say “yay”.
But if the naysayers “yay”
And the yaysayers “nay”
Then who can say what’s the right way?


Link to the forum thread for anyone who's interested:
Guild Wars 2 Engineer discussion

The Cost - more poetry!

One final poem (I promise!) about the death of Bin Laden and whether or not it was worth the cost...

The Cost

What is a man’s death worth?
What dark accountant calculates the sum of his deeds
And weighs it against the lives of others?
A brutal calculus of retribution,
A ruthless equation of multiplied loss.
Untold lives subtracted,
And added to the debit column
But the debt is never cleared.
In the final reckoning,
Can anyone truly say,
That it was worth the price paid
For the sake of vengeance gained.


Note: to give some background, in Afghanistan alone the "war on terror" has claimed well over 2000 lives from coalition forces
Source for coalition deaths

Estimates of civilian casualties are harder to find but at a bare minimum they number in the tens of thousands
Source for civilian casualties

All I've spoken about is the war in Afghanistan. That last link contains casualty figures for Iraq as well, which are substantially worse, but that was just too depressing to talk about.
In summary, war is bad, stop shooting people m'kay

Dance for me

This is a (slightly pretentious) poem I just churned out inspired by the ghoulish scenes of celebration at the death of Bin Laden.
Whatever crimes he may have been guilty of, I cannot bring myself to celebrate or glory in someone's death and the scenes of jubilation disturbed me deeply.

Dancing to the Tune

The circus rides into town,
Flags fly proudly in the court of the carnival king.
Cheering crowds, a baying mob,
Begin to dance as the rough music plays.
Primeval joy burns in mindless eyes,
Violent ecstasy for violence done,
Civilisation lost in vengeance’s name.
Bathed in blood, the revelry goes on,
Madness steeped in death, the basest lust,
No room for humanity here, only feral need,
Ghouls made of men, stamping on graves,
Dancing on and on until the rough music fades.


Historical note: rough music was an old English method for punishing people in a village who had transgressed (wife beating and so on).
Wikipedia article on Rough Music

Limerick

A quick limerick inspired by Charlie Brooker's #donaldtrumpisabellend twitter hashtag

This lad called Donald had not a friend,
He was a figure of fun, a topic to trend,
His brain it was feeble,
His hair barely legal,
And all would cry #donaldtrumpisabellend

Geordie Shore

Oh sweet mother, there's a "reality" TV show coming out based in Newcastle called Geordie Shore.
These are the prize bell ends that are being used to represent an ancient, noble, history filled area of England.
http://www.mtv.co.uk/shows/geordie-shore/cast

It's like the producers just threw a net over the skankiest bits of the Bigg Market and dragged out the dumbest, most feckless idiots they could find.

I feel a tremendous pain in my heart for the land of my birth. Geordies deserve better than this shit.

I haz done a poetry!

A poem I knocked together earlier today, inspired by the language of the 2011 Budget and Cameron's "Big Society", specifically the manner in which the savage cuts being handed out to the fabric of British society are disguised behind a facade of "we're all in this together and have to make 'savings'" bullshit (yes, I'm biased, sue me).
But I also have hope that it's not working as well as Cameron and his pals would like. People seem to be seeing through the double-speak and getting justifiably angry at the way those who can least afford it are paying the price for the reckless gambling of financial institutions and the tax dodging of big business.
Anyway, here's the poem. It's a bit pretentious, though I've tried to offset that by writing the title of this blog post in a cutesy lolcat style - I can only apologise.


Twisting Words

Words twist and turn like serpents in the grass,
Shifting meanings with silken words
Spinning as they spill from crocodile smiles.
Semantic gymnastics warp lies into truth,
Through dark, cracked prisms, reality refracts
And the world changes on a rich man’s whim.
But seeds are sown, doubt planted in fertile soil,
Questioning tendrils creeping out,
Seeking and searching, truth brought forth,
A kernel of light stolen from grasping claws,
Fuelling anger, fuelling rage, un-blinding eyes,
Burning away the artifice of unearned power.
Curtains of privilege are rent aside
To mendacious puppeteers expose,
And with great and common hands,
The world can be reclaimed.

I'm alright, Jack

A quickly hacked together poem I wrote about the plans of the current government and the attitudes of the people who support them.
And I wrote it when I should have been working - now that's fighting the power!

I’m alright, Jack

Benefits scroungers?
Everyone knows they’re all on the take!
Ill and disabled?
Do me a favour, most of it’s fake!

It’s a bleedin’ liberty,
All these layabouts takin’ our cash.
That ain’t why we (the Great British Public)
Keep payin’ our tax!

I blame those lazy foreigners,
Stealin’ our jobs and all on the dole.
Like bleedin’ Afghanistan round ‘ere,
But me? No, no, I’m not racist at all.

So what if she can’t feed ‘er kids,
‘er own fault for popping so many out,
She only done it so she could get the benefits,
And get set up in a lovely, big house.

All of those bankers,
I tell you mate, they’ve got it sorted.
Course their bonuses shouldn’t be taxed!
It’d only be used to pay for abortions.

The head of the company?
Oh he’s a proper gent.
It’s all in his wife’s name, of course.
Totally legit, mind, none of it’s bent.

All in it together,
We're all a part of the Big Society.
No more spongin' off the state,
You don't get nothing for free.

Not my responsibility,
Benefits gettin' cut back.
I’m workin' for my dosh,
So I’m alright, Jack.

But now I’ve been “outsourced”,
And I’ve come down with the gout!
What am I supposed to do now, guv?
Any chance you could bail me out?

Italian Sportscars...

Not always the good idea they seem at first.
Take my Maserati 3200 (no, seriously, please take it) - in the 6 months or so I've had it has caused me more hassle than my old Nissan 200SX did in 7 odd years.
Currently it's out of commission as a result of a leaking radiator, which needs replacing. The replacement needs to be shipped over from Italy!
This is going to cost me many hundreds of pounds.
Also, the boot leaks sometimes.

All things considered, given the various niggles (both major and minor), I don't enjoy the car anymore. It's time to move on. Once it's working again.

Think I might go the other way next time, maybe buy an old classic that needs a bit of restoring. Something like an MGB perhaps.
I know, it probably won't be any more reliable than the Masser, but it won't be costing anywhere near was much. I can forgive a lack of reliability in something like that, in a "premium" brand car like a Maserati? Not so much

Maserati ownership – the first week

Well, it’s now been a whole week since I spent an hour on the train to Colne (in Lancashire) to go and pick up a blue Maserati 3200 GT.

It was sitting in the train station car park where the owner reluctantly handed over the keys.  The beast was now mine!

Coming from a Nissan 200SX, the Masser was a whole other kettle of fish.  The Nissan wasn’t short of power but this was so much more.  Actually quite intimidating (still is a bit).

Adjusting to the short throw gearbox and heavier clutch resulted in a fairly…jerky journey home.  Gear changes were a tad clunky to say the least!

Almost got stuck up a side street after my sat nav got a bit confused – had to read the manual to work out how to put it into reverse!

Took it out on the Sunday to try and get the hang of it, all good, started it up on Monday morning to go to work – engine management warning light shining like a beacon in the darkness of the dashboard.  And, as I discovered when I went to pull out of my drive, it was now limited to 3000 RPM.

Took the Nissan into the office for a couple of days whilst I tried to get a mechanic (with no luck, by the way), then decided to take the Masser in on Wed’s afternoon, getting used to short shifting.  Which actually is easier in the Masser than the Nissan – the extra torque of the V8 means the power picks up from quite low in the rev range.

And then on Thursday I went to drive home from work at lunchtime and…the light was gone.  No more warning light.  I have no idea why.

But at last, the engine could be unleashed!  Or at least it could have been if the low fuel warning light hadn’t come on. 

So I ended up driving like Miss. Daisy.  Not like I was driving Miss. Daisy, like I actually was Miss. Daisy learning to drive.  Might as well have been wearing a dress.  Low revs, barely tickling the throttle, watching the fuel gauge sink inexorably down.

I made it to Sainsbury’s though and now I have a fuelled up, functioning car!

Almost getting the hang of it now.  My gear changes still aren’t the smoothest but they’re a lot better and I’m getting used to using the extra torque instead of having to shift down like I did in the Nissan.  Still not sure I’ve got the ideal driving position and the elevated throttle pedal (relative to the Nissan) is making my foot ache a bit, but that aside it’s all good! 

Here’s hoping it continues…

Oh yeah, and it needs a new stereo that plays MP3s.

The Art of the Cheese Toasty

This is a guide to creating that most sublime of snacks - the cheese toasty.
There are many who would ask why such a simple dish would need a guide.
Well, my sceptical friends, whilst it is true that a cheese toasty is not a complex thing, there are layers of subtlety and techniques that turn a toastie into a work of culinary art.
Just follow these simple steps and you too can become a Da Vinci of the toasty world.

Step 1 - Requirements
Ideally, you will have a griddle pan (although a frying pan should suffice)
E.g.

And, of course, the ingredients for the sandwich itself

I'm going with simple cheddar and some Sainsbury's Warm & Spicy Tomato Chutney

Step 2 - Making the sandwich

Construct a normal sandwich

At this point, the family pet may start to take an interest...

Step 3 - The important bit

Once you have constructed the sandwich in the normal fashion, you need to butter the outside of it

I know, mad isn't it?

Now, while you're doing that, start heating up the griddle.  Should be on a medium heat, but be sure not to put any oil in (that's what the butter's for!)

Step 4 - Toasting the Toasty

Once the griddle has heated up, put the sandwich in, thusly...

Leave it sizzling away there for a minute or two, then carefully lift up a corner (I'd advise using a fish slice for this - there will be hotness) and see if the underside has toasted.  If not then leave it for a bit longer, but if it looks done then turn it over

Almost there!

Now we just have to wait for the other side to toast and we'll be done.

Check it after a minute or two to see if it's toasted.  If not, leave it a bit longer, but if it is done...

Step 5 - It's toasty time!

Remove from the griddle (not forgetting to turn the heat off) and serve with a beverage of your choice (I've gone with Sainsbury's Organic, Fair Trade coffee, because I am just that middle-class)

Enjoy...

The road to hell...

As the dust settles on Copenhagen, I find it hard not to feel depressed and disappointed at the abject failure of the leaders of the world's richer nations. All the hope and hype that was present at the start of the summit has evaporated away, leaving only a bitter tasting dust.

The potential for a moment of global unity in the face of approaching disaster was crushed beneath the reality of modern politics.

In the end, what ruled in Copenhagen was money and power. The desperation and eloquence of the world's smaller countries, those most likely to feel the effects of climate change, was dismissed by the so-called "big players", the likes of America and China.

The needs of these small countries, their very survival, has taken a distant second place behind the self-interests and nationalistic posturing.

So what if some small tropical country vanishes beneath the waves, saving it would negatively impact on Jo Schmo from Arkansas's quality of life, and we can't have that, because obviously his need to have a large SUV far outweighs the need for an entire nation to be above water.

Our leaders, if such they could be called, have failed us - either because they do not care or because they have no chance of passing any meaningful legislation in their home countries as their governments are hamstrung by know-nothing morons (yes, the US Senate, I'm talking about you). I had hoped, living as I do in something of a fantasy world, that Obama might somehow be able to drag the world where it needs to be, but people in America keep electing idiots as senators who think there's no problem and even if there is then God will sort it out.

It's hard not to be fatalistic when faced with this kind of self-destructive stupidity, but there were some encouraging signs. The protests on the streets, the willingness of the smaller nations to stand up and at least try not to get trampled by the bigger ones.

And there was an agreement. Kind of. Between 5 countries. That was likely cobbled together just so the leaders could save face and so the whole thing wouldn't look like a complete and utter waste of time.

That's better than nothing, right?

Oh the hell with it, I'm going back into my fantasy world of Warcraft and Spider-Woman, reality's too depressing...

The arrogance of politicians

Trying to keep track of what’s going on at the Copenhagen climate change talks is proving to be a very depressing experience.
To witness the self-serving, arrogant, obstructionist views of some politicians, particularly the ignorant morons in the American Republican party, is to witness some of the worst that humanity has to offer.
It’s hard to tell if it’s genuine ignorance or deliberate obfuscation but the lack of knowledge on display is staggering.
Observe the blatherings of Sarah Palin in the Washington Post, for example. A woman who seems to be so utterly divorced from reality it amazes me that she’s capable of dressing herself in the morning.

These “people” (and I use that term quite loosely) care nothing about the world, their only interests are appeasing the energy companies (amongst others) that fund their campaigns and avoiding doing anything that would upset their voters (who are frequently even more ignorant).
Heaven forbid that Mr. John Q. American should suffer at all (and thus vote for someone else) just because some poor bastard on a low lying island doesn’t want to watch his house disappear beneath the sea. Or because some parts of America get swamped by a constant barrage of hurricanes (but it’s okay, they’re poor areas so they don’t really count).
Their cowardice in attempting to shirk their responsibilities for helping to create this mess is appalling. Climate change is likely to hurt everyone. Suck it up. And rich countries like America and the UK can afford to pay what smaller, poorer countries cannot.
Where’s the downside to this? We help poorer countries be more efficient and develop faster, simultaneously reducing their CO2 emissions and increasing their prosperity. A country that is prosperous, with a strong infrastructure and a population that is not locked in poverty, is a country that is far less likely to breed the kind of dissatisfaction that allows extremist ideologies to flourish. Which is good for everyone, surely?
And then there’s investing in alternative energy solutions. Breaking our dependence on oil, increasing energy security, moving away from relying on what is unquestionably a limited resource, decreased pollution from power stations. These are all good things. People might lose their jobs, true, but new jobs will open up in new industries related to the use of renewable energy production.
There will be pain in the short term, there is no getting around that, but long term? It’s pure win, even if you’re a climate change denying moron like Palin.

Sadly, this notion that attempting to combat climate change is essentially a win-win scenario appears to escape the politicians, not just in America (though they are the most obvious example), but all around the world (Saudi Arabia, Russia and so on). They care only for themselves and their careers, and on the rare occasions when a politician looks beyond their own interests they rarely look beyond the narrow borders of the country they represent.
If their insular attitudes result in a failure to come up with a cohesive, global strategy to reduce the effects of climate change (and to mitigate the damage it will do to the poorer, more marginal countries of this world) then I don’t believe that future generations will forgive them or those of us who allowed them to get away with it, and nor should they.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hope dies hard

Far from the most important thing happening in life but still something I want to whine about.
World of Warcraft Druid Q&A - talk about talking a lot but saying very little. Especially about moonkin pvp.
A basic summary: we know moonkins suck at pvp and have almost no survivability but don't expect that to change anytime soon. Just accept that you're going to get killed a lot.
It's just too much hassle for us to fix so suck it up.
Never mind that the forums are filled with suggestions to at least help solve the problem (anti-stun effect on Owlkin Frenzy, for example) - we'll just ignore those.

It's really very disheartening.
Come on Blizzard, one little tweak to Owlkin Frenzy or Barkskin would make a massive difference.

-- Post From My iPhone

Vantastic

Or not, as the case may be. Bloody rental firms:
"Oh, were sorry, we know we accepted your booking for a van but now, at the last minute, we've realised we don't have any left. Have a nice day"

Bastards!

And relax...
Here's a picture of a dog in a bush to make everything better





-- Post From My iPhone

Just testing

Sitting at work, thought I'd try my first ever iPhone based blog post, maybe try and resurrect this thing


-- Post From My iPhone

The moon (yes, really), last night.

Dandelion Study

This is a macro shot of a dandelion (obviously) taken in my kitchen, using a black t-shirt as a backdrop!

The end of the world? 

Solarised Coins

Solarised Coins, is a photograph I took whilst experimenting with solarisation, a technique you either love or hate. Most hate it, but I like to be different, and think the impact of this image is simply fantastic. I've never found anybody who agrees with me though, "mmm, nice" is the closest I've got, but I think that was to shut me up!

chris hollick photographic art